The Forgiveness Power
Gosh y’all. Have you ever been lied to? Betrayed? Hurt? Deceived? Blindsided by someone you really trust? I’m pretty sure that when you were just reading that, you had at least one person or situation come to mind. None of us are exempt from this happening to us - it’s something that all of us have experienced, or will at some point in our lives. That shit really hurts, especially when it comes from someone we love. So how do we handle it? What do we do? You can start by Googling “What do I do when someone I love hurts me?” and you’ll find a ton of resources out there at your fingertips. But, love, let’s be perfectly honest - what you do and how you handle it is completely up to you.
Once being betrayed, you hold all the power. You get to decide what to do.
Do you get mad and yell and scream? Or do you shut down and tune out and become numb? Do you get revenge - find out the thing that will hurt that person the most and go do it? Do you act like a victim and manipulate the other person to get your way in the future and hold it over their head from now on?
Or…. do you let the feelings of hurt, anger, betrayal, doubt, fear, loss, sadness, and whatever else may come your way, wash over you and experience them and let them pass over you while you process? And as you feel all the feels, acknowledge them, learn from them, experience them… all for the purpose of your own growth? Because, here’s the beautiful part of the pain you’re feeling - you are in control. You absolutely cannot control what happened to you, in any way. But you are the only one who can control how you respond. So, dear sweet soul, you get to decide if you want to learn and grow or if you want to stay stuck. While your feelings will continue to wash over you and come in waves, sometimes unexpectedly, you can work towards your own progress by asking yourself some of these questions -
Has this happened to me before? If so, is there a reason that it keeps repeating in my life?
If it’s happened before, how do I want to improve my response to the situation and what else can I learn from this?
How would I want to be treated if I had been the person who made the mistake? Do I have it within me to give that gift to the person who hurt me (they don’t deserve it but will I have that grace to give them)?
Is this person hurting me from their own place of hurt? If so, does that change my perspective on what happened to me (remembering to avoid responding as a victim yourself as much as possible)?
What is my next step in forgiveness? What do I need to do to forgive and be healthy?
Your end game should always be forgiveness. That’s where your true power lies. You have power in your response, but you gain the biggest momentum in your own life when you choose to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean that you allow this person to stay in your life, treat you this way again, or that you are a doormat. In fact, forgiveness is wild & unleashed. Forgiveness says “You have no power over me, I’m the one who dictates where I go from here and whether or not that includes you in my life, but either way, I’m not going to be hostage to you - I’m free”. Forgiveness can mean new boundaries in a relationship, forgiveness can mean you let someone go. Forgiveness can also mean you grow even closer to that person after you’ve worked together to mend that hurt.
No matter the final outcome - you hold the power when you’ve been hurt. It doesn’t always feel like it, but you choose how you respond, you choose how you grow (or regress), you choose how you respond to your triggers, you choose forgiveness, and you choose where to go next. You, my love, are on top. Make sure you choose actions that reflect your authentic self and not your hurt self.
